10/11/10

* Learning a hard lesson on repentance. But feeling the sadness and helplessness dissipate, and a renewed sense of hope emerge.

*having all my kids close to me today. Picking out flowers 75% off at Lowes, imagining what they will look like next spring and summer.

*feeling connected to my children and my role as a mother. I felt this as I stuck my toes in the sand at the park. Laughing with Emily and listening to her, hearing the boys and Klint off in the distance laughing and enjoying not only the sunshine but more importantly each other. I felt connected again.

*Planting. Running my hands in the dirt. Having it stuck under my fingernails as I type tonight.

*I've been mourning the lack of fall in West Texas. I miss the changing leaves, the crisp air, the smell of fall. I want to wear my sweaters, to make soup and to snuggle with a cup of hot chocolate and a good book on my couch. I've been mourning so much I've forgotten to look at the beauty that is around me. Driving home from the park I looked. I opened my eyes and expanded my view. The trees are still mostly green, and every now and then you may see just a hint of yellow. It was/is beautiful. The flowers in my yard are a vibrant yellow, red and pink. They are beautiful. They don't know it's nearly half way through October. They are thriving in their element and making the area around them beautiful. I think (I hope) I learned a lesson from that today. I still miss fall, but I have much to be grateful for and find beauty in.