6/18/2011

*Working in the dirt with all three of my kids. Well, let me clarify. For once, Justin was merely a spectator. Emily and Matthew worked hard and diligent. I think it's ok for Justin to slack every once and awhile...he picks up the slack for everyone else (present company included) so often. It was cool (think 80 degrees) at 9:00 am, so that was very nice.

* Riding my bike. With Emily dressed in a hideous sequined princess dress, purple plastic shoes, numerous bangles, two rings (I think only two...maybe just one) and don't forget the beautiful silver flaking plastic tiara, riding in the trailer. It was her "carriage" and no I wasn't the horseman or anything...I was the horse. I loved it. Her imagination is great.

*Laying on my bed with Emily. Her face so close to mine. I was playing with her and asked if I could eat her nose, (without even thinking about it) she replies: "No. You can't even lick it." So glad to know where the boundaries were on that one.

*Feeling so much lighter and more free today than earlier this week. I almost feel like a cloud is slowly being lifted from around my head and heart. I'm so grateful for the last conference talk I read a few days ago where Elder Eyring was quoted as saying, "It will comfort us when we must wait in distress for the Savior's promised relief that He knows, from experience, how to heal and help us....And faith in that power will give us patience as we pray and work and wait for help." (Elder Kent F. Richards, The Atonement Covers All Pain, Ensign May 2011 p. 15). My heart has been aching for help, wanting to feel solace and it's been a struggle this week. But I felt more like myself today...I am oh so grateful for that. I know I'm going to have my wonderful "normal" days where I don't worry so much and can feel lighter, but I also know I'm going to have those long dark days where it's so hard not to sucumb to the faith draining, "what ifs". I'm grateful that I read that quote. When I first read it, my heart didn't feel the peace or relief my head knew I should have felt, but I kept it in my heart, waiting. It did bring hope that the help would come. But sometimes we have to pray and work and wait. And that's ok. That doesn't mean I'm not faithful enough. That doesn't mean I'm not strong or righteous enough. It means it will come, maybe not immediately but it will. That was kind of a hard lesson to learn, a one I'm sure I'll have to relearn...repeatedly.